Washington Redskins Image Conversion

I have been hearing a lot about the cultural insensitivity of the name of a NFL team called the Redskins.

This name insensitivity seems to cycle at a regular basis. I do not think that the Washington Redskins should change it’s name just because of a few offended persons. However, maybe they should consider a name change to better identify with the city they represent. Although this is a business decision best left up to the owner of the franchise, I will make a few suggestions and recommendations for possible names. And since government likes to give benefit to organizations that cave to their demands, I will list a few possible benefits to the team.

The first name suggestion would be the Washington Cronies or Kronies with a K depending on trademark issues. The benefits of Cronies, would be kickback on season tickets, sorry seat licenses in the new lexicon, and private viewing suites. Some of the long term effects would be the ability to place friends and family members in prized positions within the Cronies organization or on the team.

The second suggestion would be the Washington Insiders.  The benefits, would be the slavish devotion of the press, and the acceptance of any press releases to be incite full and well thought out. Any press release originating from the opposing team would be viewed under the prism of race, social justice, and intolerance. Also, the Insiders would be automatically afforded the a position in the playoffs, regardless of the teams win/loss record.

The third suggestion would be the Washington Lobbyist.  This would grant season ticket holder automatic access to the team and management. And all season tickets and merchandise would be viewed as a donation and therefore tax deductible. However, sending gifts directly to team member or management would be illegal, so make sure the gifts go through a proper agents or non-profit organizations to protect the sender and recipient.

The Fourth suggestion would be the Washington Consensus. The benefits to this name would be radical. The first benefit would be a new dome with the ability to sequester CO2 emissions far below ground, although lighting may be a problem, and poor air conditioning.  All home games would be played with biased referees that support the current consensus. Game play and field position will be determined by computer models based on the reaction from the crowd, actual facts will be ignored or observed depending on if they support the home team’s field position.

The fifth would be the  Washington Deficits. The advantage to this name would be the ability to issue more season passes and seat tickets than there are actual seats available in the stadium. This could ensure standing room only crowds, and create increased seating sales. Future sales would be based on the baseline budgeting model. Every year 6% more tickets will be sold. Ticket sales may slump in the long term, However, more tickets could be sold to the Federal reserve by printing new money, in order to purchase these tickets and ensure all tickets are sold. After all it is just paper.

The sixth would be the Washington Redistributionist. All season tickets and seating prices will based on the ability to pay. This will not ensure good seating or even a seat. Most seats will be handed out as favors by an unbiased commission, and the few remaining unclaimed seats will go to those who paid for them.

I could go on. There is a lot of untapped potential in the renaming of the Washington Redskins. And the proclivities of our current crop of public servants. Do not ask for my emails regarding this subject. My hard drive just cra,,,,,,